3 Tips for A Painless Break Up: Saturn in Libra

© July 2010 by Fabienne Lopez

Let’s face it, with Saturn entering Libra on July 21st, 2010, for a two year stay (until October 2012), relationships will be in the hot seat. Many relationships will end as Saturn demands a pruning of all relationships that have become stale.

Back in March of this year, I gave out some tips on how to develop healthy relationships as a way to harness the lessons and energy that Saturn requires us to develop in our relationships. Part of the development also includes how to end a relationship in a way that is healthy and positive.

With Saturn in Libra, ending a long-term relationship can be a depressing, painful, awful, and really hard on your self-esteem. Many times, the break up requires a lot of hard work. So how to break up as positively as possible? Time to use the Libra way of balancing things.

A coach I know suggested to write a “emotional separation agreement” for the break up. Much like divorce papers, this document details the distribution of assets, custody arrangements and other practical details. This “separation” agreement can also spell out what you gained emotionally from the relationship. This is a healing tool that can give you a more balanced (a Libra word) view of the relationship and allows for closure.

EMOTIONAL SEPARATION AGREEMENT

Here are 3 steps to write yours:

Step 1)

Make a list of all the ways you and your partner grew from the relationship. Reflecting on my own recent break up: “I learned to establish stronger boundaries by accepting the fact that I am not responsible for taking care of my partner. I also learned that I have a right to say no and above all, I learned about self-care. My partner learned not to try to rescue everybody, to take care of himself first and that it is OK not to share the same interests.”Leave no aspect unturned and try to think of as many positive things here as possible that would not have happened if you had not been in the relationship.

Step 2)

Write down five things you appreciated about the relationship that you would like to have in the next one as a way to express gratitude for the relationship. It is a difficult exercise since being thankful is the last thing on your mind at that moment. However by focusing on the characteristics you want to maintain in the next relationship, you are showing that you are learning from past mistakes. (Saturn) Consequently, your next relationship will reflect a more are equitable view (Libra) of what you need in a relationship. The things I want to take in my next relationship are honest communication, the absence of power plays, the support of each other personal endeavors, and camping.

Step 3)

End with a positive statement about how you would like to move on from the relationship. Mine was: “G. changed my life for the better and I will always be grateful to have known him and for the lessons he taught me.”

While there is no reason to be happy over a break up, there is certainly a way to learn the lessons of Saturn in Libra. By creating your own break up agreement, it will be easier to see the time spent in the relationship as collection of lessons that can make you all the stronger — which is all that Saturn in Libra requires of you.

If you are the throes of a break-up, do these steps and let me know how it goes.

Photos: Flickr Creative Commons