3 Tips for A Painless Break Up: Saturn in Libra

21 07 2010

© July 2010 by Fabienne Lopez

Let’s face it, with Saturn entering Libra on July 21st, 2010, for a two year stay (until October 2012), relationships will be in the hot seat. Many relationships will end as Saturn demands a pruning of all relationships that have become stale.

Back in March of this year, I gave out some tips on how to develop healthy relationships as a way to harness the lessons and energy that Saturn requires us to develop in our relationships. Part of the development also includes how to end a relationship in a way that is healthy and positive.

With Saturn in Libra, ending a long-term relationship can be a depressing, painful, awful, and really hard on your self-esteem. Many times, the break up requires a lot of hard work. So how to break up as positively as possible? Time to use the Libra way of balancing things.

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Water and Fire by Darby Costello – A Book Review (Sort of)

18 05 2010

© May  2010 by Fabienne Lopez

When I first started studying Astrology one of the first things I encountered was the 4 elemental signs: Fire, Water, Earth and Air.

Here’s a brief explanation of how the elements relate to different functions in our personalities and temperaments: Fire is linked to action; Earth to common sense; Air to the thinking function and Water to feelings. That was all I was exposed to. Maybe every now and then some article would list a few keywords but had no in depth explanations.

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I Hate You / I Love You: My Struggle with Venus

13 05 2010

©May 2010 by Fabienne Lopez

I was struggling with my article about my inner/outer dialogue with  Venus.  Venus has always been my unlived planet and my writing is very rooted in my personal experience. Hard for me to write about Venus since I do not have a lot of experience with this planet.

Venus is ruled by Libra. But my Venus is in detriment – located in Libra’s opposite sign — in Aries. My Venus is also retrograde – meaning it seems from a geocentric point of view to go backwards in my birth chart. See Wikipedia: retrograde motion. Not a happy placement for Venus, where her qualities, as described in astrology manuals, are in conflict with the qualities  ascribed to Aries. Making difficult  for me to express both energies in a harmonious way. In astrology when a planet is retrograde, the energy of the planet is experienced in a more subjective, internal way. Thus your experience and expression of the planet’s energy is very unique to you. With Venus retrograde in my natal chart, my concept of beauty is different, comes from a different place, than those around me. Read the rest of this entry »





Saturn in Libra: 3 Tips for Healthy Relationships

19 03 2010

March 2010 © by Fabienne Lopez

In one of Gary Larsen’s most memorable “Far Side” cartoons, a man scolds his dog: “Okay Ginger, I’ve had it! Stay out of the garbage! Understand, Ginger? Stay out of the garbage!” In the next frame the dog’s understanding reads, “Blah blah blah Ginger, blah blah blah blah blah blah! Ginger blah blah!”

In relationships, I am Ginger.

I feel like my relationships have been trying to tell me something and I only hear blah, blah, blah, blah.

I suck at relationships!

Over the years, I’ve asked myself:

Why do I find myself over and over in the same situation?

Why do I always attract losers … Fill the blanks …?

I never realized when I met him, he was crazy… Fill the blanks …?

He does not understand me!

He is the one! I’ll finally be happy now!

Sounds familiar?

With Saturn in Libra until October 2012, we all have plenty of opportunities this year to visit, revisit, scrutinize, understand, dissect and do a general spring-cleaning of our relationships.

Thank god! Oh no!

While I can’t say I greet this spring-cleaning opportunity with joy in my heart – more like trepidation — I am using this transit to gain clarity, create change, and bring a little peace to my heart. Before I go more into my story, and perhaps yours too, let’s dive into a bit more about this transit.

In astrology, Saturn exerts the most influence and power in Libra. In Liz Greene book, Saturn A New look at an Old Devil, Saturn is regarded as the planet of pain, delays, disappointment, depression, fears, restriction and discipline.

(Do you hear the scolding and finger wagging in your face? I do!) 

Saturn makes us work for our wisdom: Through hard work, frustration (you work to improve your relationships with no immediate results), delays (you see the reward on the horizon but it is slightly out of reach), set-backs (you got the reward and you go right back to the unhealthy pattern and self-denial (you have to do the work before you get the rewards). In the end, our reward is wisdom, self-discipline, and a clearer understanding of what it is that we seek in a relationship.

The last time Saturn was in Libra in the 1980s, I didn’t even hear the scolding. I had my nose in the garbage. I wanted a relationship because everyone else around me had one. Why not me? I was in college, and having a boyfriend was supposedly part of the campus experience. I picked a foreign exchange student, one that was guaranteed to be inaccessible. Mostly for two reasons: one, he was not interested in me, and secondly, at the end of the year, he would go back to his country and break up with me. I would then be able to spin the wheels of the patterns I wrote about at the start of this article.

And that’s what happened and kept happening over and over during the next decades (I am a slow learner). Within minutes of meeting a man, I was convinced I had met my true love. At the second date, I was already planning the wedding, especially if, after reading Linda Goodman’s Love Signs, I discovered we were compatible. By the third date, I had our entire life mapped out with the 2.5 kids, the cat and white picket fence.

Now 30 years later, after having gone through this scenario multiple times, I get a chance to listen to the man in the cartoon, understand him, and have a more serious look at the health of my relationships. The blah, blah, blah is turning into words I can actually understand.

What have I learned from my first Saturn in Libra transit when I was 18 to this one? I will tell you.

In a relationship it’s never about the other person. It’s actually about you, more precisely, it’s about your share of personal responsibility in the relationship and how strong  your boundaries (a very saturnine word) are.

One of the reasons I kept repeating those unhealthy patterns in my relationships was because I lacked boundaries. You know, that line that divides my business from his business, my emotions and needs from his. I confused my reality with his and his with mine, what he was responsible for (everything), what I was responsible for (pointing out what was wrong.)

Specifically, I was more interested in venting what I did not like about him, what he did to me, what he was supposed to do than in learning what I valued, what I cherished, what I admired and what I wanted. My goal was more in pleasing my partner than asserting myself and meeting my needs and goals. I was always crossing the boundary lines by putting aside my own interests and hobbies in order to do what my partner wanted.  I valued his  opinions and feelings more than my own. I needed to be “needed” in order to have a relationship.

This caring and giving left me depleted, angry, resentful, and generally unhappy with my relationships. I blamed my partner for my unhappiness, feelings of isolation, rejection, and disappointment. After all, I was behaving the way I thought society and my own family upbringing expected of me. I was doing nothing wrong, I thought.

That’s not how I see it now.

I am becoming more and more aware of the inner tension, huge differences existing between my inner needs and the learned ideal of what a mate should be. This is the first lesson. There are other lessons that Saturn in Libra is teaching me.

It’s not my job to take care of my partner. I sincerely believed it was. That’s how I was raised. The unwritten contract was that “I take care of you and you return the favor by taking care of me.”

Guess what? It doesn’t happen that way. And if it does, you end up in an unhealthy relationship. Saturn is showing me the flaws in that type of arrangement – the ways I manipulated others with guilt so that they would take care of me. Believe me, it is a very hard conditioning to break “because good people are selfless and I want to be a good person,” I tell myself.

I’m using a lot of my energy right now being conscious of this pattern and choosing to modify this habit. But I am learning. CoDA (Co-Dependents Anonymous) meetings  has been a useful tool in moments of crisis.

I have the right to say, “NO!”

In a simple, direct straightforward manner. I no longer need to resort to:

“No, but,” — “I don’t want to do this but I will do it anyway to please you…Fill the blanks.”

“Maybe,” — “What I am really saying is no, but I am not saying directly in order to avoid offending, hurting, disappointing you…Fill the blanks

“Yes,” – “Agreeing to something  but I will make you pay later on because I am resentful that I agreed to something I do not want to do.

What a concept! The word no was not in my vocabulary. The first time I said no to a request from a person I loved I got so anxious and guilty. I was waiting for the sky to fall. Yes, we did argue but nothing bad happened. Amazing lesson for me.

I need to take care of myself. I did not know about self-care. I knew about survival strategies, controlling explosive situations and taking care of others. Nothing about creating the life I wanted. My motto now is “Do not make others a priority if you are an option for them”.

What lessons can you learn with Saturn in Libra? Let’s take this time until October 2012 to develop the functional and healthy relationships we really want.

Note: This article is featured in Saturn in Libra and Relationships, published on Sasstrology as part of the 2010 International Astrology Day Blogathon. The purpose of this web-based event is to create a permanent library of articles about how to deal with the stresses of the Cardinal T-Square of Pluto, Saturn and Uranus. The main page for the Blogathon collections is at The Cardinal T-Square of 2010: Saturn, Uranus, Pluto.

Photos: Credits to Flickr Creative Commons





You for me and me for you: Saturn in Libra

23 10 2009

Do you know that song “Tea for Two”? It is a song from the 1925 musical No, No, Nanette. The most famous words are usually given as: Just tea for two and two for tea; Just you for me and me for you. Alone! To me this song illustrates the energy of Saturn in Libra. Saturn will change signs at the end of October, moving from Virgo to Libra where it will stay until 2012, except for a short period next year when it will back up again in Virgo.

Saturn being the planet of fixing what is broken, Libra being the sign of “diplomatic intelligence,” the combination means that we will be spending the next 2 ½ years repairing, reframing, strengthening our relationships both individually and collectively. Saturn feels at home in Libra, like a welcomed friend. It is said to be exalted in that sign and it is easy to see why. Everybody wants their relationships, be it marriages, partnerships, or any type of alliance where you need to count on the other person – to be STRONG, RELIABLE, and DEPENDABLE.

And we certainly do need to revisit the way we handle our relationships. Since the last time Saturn was in Libra in 1980, relationships have changed, becoming more fragmented and compartmentalized, and in general, I feel relationships in our society have degraded. We Facebook, tweet, email, text message and Skype each other but we do not talk to our neighbors. The “Us and Them” mentality seems to have become more pronounced.We have stopped caring for each other unless they belong to our camp, share our views. I would say it has always been that way, but our technologies have accelerated the process. The overall attitude in relationships to get as much as you can while giving as little as possible has  existed as long as there has been human civilization. But now seems to have become a predominant trait. As a consequence we’ve lost a common language where the words fairness, reciprocity, balance mean anything.

Considering the depth, breadth and number of issues that are dividing people right now (abortion, gay marriage, health care reform, American wars in Iraq and Afghanistan), and the polarization of sides on each one of these issues, the lack of a common language and shared definitions has serious consequences. Not only does the lack of a common language affect everybody, but the reforms and innovations needed to get us out of this economic downturn are not happening and the USA is not moving forward.

Going back to a common language is not an easy task. A possible solution is to innovate our approach on how to define what is at stake. Let’s take the health care reform, for example. Many of us have been reading about the different proposals  and are aware of the problems and needs of the sector. Each side (patients, doctors, insurance companies, pharmaceutical companies and government) has been pitching their definition of what they perceive to be the key weaknesses and strength of the state of health in the USA and have recommended plans of action. However, each side has described the problem, their approach and their aims differently. In some cases, they seem to be talking about similar actions, but they are using different words. In other cases, they are using common words to describe what seem to be completely different activities!

As a result, each citizen has a lot of information which has left him more confused than he was before he began hearing about the issue. None of the presentations have matched his understanding of his needs. And the proposals are confusing and contradictory. In the end, what might happen is that none of the legislation will meet the needs of patients. This seems to be happening rather more frequently than many of us realize. And it does no one any good!

The lack of fairness, reciprocity, balance in the current political scene makes me question if America does care about its own people. As a foreigner living in this country, it seems unfathomable that this country should have such high proportion of its population without access to healthcare, when it is easily capable of affording it.

The US has natal Saturn in the 10th House in Libra, so the country is about to have another Saturn Return (which happens every 30 years). This time around I expect there is going to be a strong emphasis on “righting the wrongs,” learning to share and divide (Libra) the burden of supporting (Saturn) a more equitable society.

Are you interested in helping?